Yoga for...all?

Namaste. 

I went to yoga today. My experience of yoga before today was at swanky gyms with swanky people in Adidas. I always felt this was a little sterile for yoga and would scour the internet for a bamboo eco friendly mat that didn't hurt my knees but was still in a pretty colour. 

But this place isn't just a yoga centre. Its a place of tie dye, jingly bells, peace signs and happy little messages in the toilet asking you to 'please not steal the loo paper' but to have a 'happy and fulfilling day'. 

Utterly charmed by all positive thinking, and feeling smug that I had not stolen the loo roll, I skipped down the stairs to the studio. 

But I'd got it wrong. All wrong. I was in sportswear (WITH LOGOS - me? An evil corporate conspirator? Who knew!?) not vests and capri pants in earth tones with ballet wraps as coverups. I made mental note at once that I needed a new yoga outfit before venturing back into this unknown realm but decided to suck it up and just get on with it. 

THEN I put my mat in the teachers place. 

At an ANGLE whilst everyone elses is straight. 

I'm met with scowls as I shuffle my mat into an acceptable position whilst silently cursing it because one end keeps rolling up. I am officially anti hippie, anti eco, never ever grown cress in an egg shell bad person and I felt guilty every time I go into downward facing dog and saw the offending coral colour I'd painted my toes specially. 

Next class I shall have yoga grunge down to perfection and maybe one day (when I find my inner peace) I won't care what they think. Bloody Namaste to you too!

Blame it on the Groupon.

Personally…I blame Groupon.

I'm not exactly sure how it started. I just know that it did. Maybe it was the day I was sat on the sofa munching on M&S extremely chocolately biscuits and decided I better finish off the packet as there were 'only three left'. 

Never Mind I was stuffed. 

Never Mind that there are only six in a packet to begin with.

Very Never Mind that they were 120 calories each.

Or maybe it was the thought of spending another summer sweating in cardigans over my sleeveless tops because I have an obsession over my 'fat arms'. 

Or maybe it was because Groupon had an offer on bootcamp classes. 

Background on me. I'm not fat. I've never been fat. I was an terribly active child and now not so active adult but still fairly slim. As an 18 year old nothing fazed me, belly button bearing tops, short skirts with calf high boots (is that flattering on anyone?!) and anything and everything in between. My confidence would have knocked your socks off! 

Then something changes doesn't it? Suddenly all those sections in magazines about 'hiding your problem areas' get in a little bit. Suddenly I'm looking at my 'problem areas' and an obsession with my legs (did you know the bit from my knee to my ankle was too short?) and a rather mean comment on my 'wrestlers arms' meant shorts and skirt and sleeveless tops were OUT.

Anyway…I digress. 

Enough! I have decided to get fit. I don't want to get thin. I want to get fit. I want my 18 year old confidence back and I want to wear what I want, when I want and I still want to eat chocolate biscuits while I do it Goddamnit!!

Week 1 - Zumba. Anyone else do Zumba? Of course you do! I seem to be the last person in the world to have caught on to this craze and its bloody good fun. I don't care that I sweated, I don't care that I started to have an asthma attack somewhere between a body roll and a chachacha! It was FUN and I feel I have so much more energy that I just want to get on and do more! 

The next day I'm a little achey but I can live with it. I bounce into work feeling more alert than I have done in ages (and thats nothing to do with my fancy new flask full of my fancy new coffee) and entertain the crew by showing them the 'car wash move' complete with the sound effect I have given it. To explain, the move is a stomp stomp with your left foot, meanwhile your left arm circles quickly twice as if waving hello and then one big half moon circle to say 'hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'. So we have stomp stomp Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Next we have bopbop. This move involves a big side step while giving the air a bear hug and two little jumps backwards - beeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrrrr bopbop. Getit? 

Hmmmm no wonder everyone gives me a wide berth! 

Bootcamp on Sunday and yoga in-between - I'll let you know how I get on!!